Transition from Fundamentalism to Agnosticism, half 9.


questioned why I stored writing in my journal daily. Was it only a “demented
polygraphia”? Polygraphia is a psychological dysfunction wherein an individual should
frequently write every part down. I admit I match the outline of this very
nicely. However as for my journal, again in 2005, I answered, “It’s an act of religion
that someone will wish to reconstruct this framework of thought…” The world is
like a comet, “which swings near God’s solar then vanishes once more into deep
house. The truth that I trouble to assume and write in any respect is my

profit now from all of the soul-building work of the previous. If I look upon the
world and see solely grime, I’m lifeless and sad. I have to proceed open to
inspiration. I flip in disgust from most organized faith…However I bear in mind the
highly effective inspiration I felt in a subject of wildflowers 37 years in the past [now 54
years ago]. I reaffirmed it this spring and can hold it alive, as if there’s
a God, which there in all probability is.” I used to be referring to the Sonoran Desert spring


I additionally wrote, on 29 March, “It’s clear to me that on this world, God isn’t in
management. He has permitted a world of pure regulation, with merciless penalties, a
world wherein His love penetrates and contradicts, wherein His love is of infinite
worth, and wherein our objective is to oppose all that’s not love, all
selfishness, even indifference. It’s a synthetic, contrived cosmos wherein
God makes us see how fascinating love and sweetness are, due to its stark
distinction with crustal actions which grind all human life as if it weren’t
there, with chromosomal breakages, and with forces of evolution, which have
produce a species each clever and evil. To angels, goodness is abnormal.
To us, goodness is sacrificial. And even when there’s not life past, we now have
been permitted to style and glimpse what is actually lovely.”

subsequent day I wrote, “I stride into the long run not realizing if God will even hold
me alive, however prepared in case he does (and, every second, every day, folks dwell
extra usually than they die).” I wrote this at the same time as my sickness returned. However even
then, I wrote, due to my love for the creation, I used to be happier than Donald
Trump. Sure, I wrote that in 2005, as a result of even again then Trump was within the information
as the right instance of whole livid selfishness.

the identical time, I used to be reluctant to go away faith which was, I believed, a human
adaptation. “Faith is our heat hut of order, agnostic freedom is the chilly
swirling storm.”

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